i know

i know he is very busy....

its ok, my busyness never a hurdle for me,

but ........

not every one like the same way ,
right!
:)

sikander jub gaya dunya say...

today i visited my mammon jan's grave
in pasrur,sialkot.

as soon as i take few steps inside the graveyard,
tears started rolling down.

so many graves.....
carrying the people just like us

but
very different from us,
no chattering no talks,

sons buried near to father,
and fathers near to mothers,
but
no talk among them

just silence
....

facing their final fate.

no! Allah swt is sooooo merciful,
the Lord who loved his creatures while they are alive
wont he love then when they died and became more
needy of him?
sure y not.

i wish and pray that may Allah swt forgives
all those buried there,
for his mercy sure higher than even the
collective sins of all those death ones.
no doubt..
...
such a pittiable end humans have.

v live like v wil never die,
and when v die it seems like v were never alive......

it was hard to  believe my mammon jan lying beneath that grave...
how short v humans comes in each others life
then there comes

an eternal departure.....
forever...

just to meet again on doomsday when no one wil recognize
each other,
nor mother to children and children to parents
every one wil b in his own worry .

only
one person wil b there,
worrying for us,anxious for us
and praying for us
and he wil be

our beloved Prophet sallalhu alihi wassalam
may God's 1000 blessings b upon him and
his followers and his true lovers
aameen sum aameen

may Allah swt never leave us alone the time when
every one wil leave us,whether wished or not wished....
aameen sum aameen

"when i consider life 'tis all a cheat,
yet fooled with hope man favor the deceit "

kaashh

kash wajeeha or iqbal bhai ki shadi jaldi say bohot
 khairo khushi k saath ho jaye
jaldiiiiiiiiiiiiiii say,

aaaaaaamen sum aaaammmen
birahmatika ya ar-hamurahimeen
ya zul jalali wal ikram,

i wish to be her beautician on wedding day,

that wil b sooooooo cheering
inshaAllah taalah

^_^

what!.......

kuch likhna that mager ab  bhool gaye,

i dont understand y its so ...

when u think to write something,endless thoughts starts coming

but when u sit down to write ,nothing u get.

need to massage my own hands and arms,

feeling ache in them now, 

and in the wound too.
wish i were have bakers like wel built arms,
so they never get tired of massage,
i think in getting weak from inside  

awh! u mean  old soul!..
but im so happy with it for he used to say he is old,
and i wish to b exactly like him.
i wish to be 32, i dont want to 24 , but.... :(
not in my hands...

wish my mother be sooo well and fully healthy 

before going back

i dont want to go back with mother's same condition.

wish she be fully cheery and healthy on way back.

"agay ati thi halay dil pay hassi

ab kisi baat pay nahi aati"

y silence is increasing inside?

it seems like im geting more and more

mature and serious from inside,

i just wonder about my LORD,

i m nothing special for him,

just an ordinary slave of him,

not special at all.

i wish i were so much special to Him,

i wish that there existed none except me ,

apart from his Prophets p.b.u.h. so 

i were special to him,

i cant b special to him now,

for many many many pious and good muslims exists in the world

sacrificing their love, their property ,their lusts 

and everything.

i need 100 lives to reach that level.

i know aser namaz is getting late,

but 

"mera dil to hay sanam ashna 

mujhay kiya milay ga namaz may,"

aumm

ok let me not b disappointed

i think this verse is not right,

only kaffir get disappoint from Allah swt

not a muslim.

for Allah swt's mercy remains there

even after the greatest sin that a person can ever atone.

his mercy make me cry ,

make me feel bad towards me,

kissi kay ahsan per tou banda or uski khushi ka khiyal rekhta hay,

mager hum Allah swt k ahsan per aisa nahi kertay,

v humans r just so ungrateful

may Allah swt just look at his mercy,

and not our sins ,which surly cant harm him,

every one good or bad deed is just for his/her own self,

people do good just for themselves,

and likewise their evil deeds are for themselves too

khair choro,

philhal baat kuch or hay dil may,

yaarr!! im so fed up,

so much,

i want to be a servant at khana kaaba

i just want to depart myself from worldy activities

Lord care for his ibaads more than any one else,

shayes kisi ki bhi khwaish nahi rahi,

zindagi tanha , logon ki khidmet may guzarna zyada acha hay,

i think!

i know, dont tel me ,

k mera meter aisay tabhi ghumta hay or

tabhi i start talking like this 

jub

i miss him

but no use

nobody suppose to live with u forever

nobody

even ur soul leave u at the time of departure from the world.

i m gonna cry now,

for i dont understand y this all happend

this must not happened

i wil keep regretting this for the rest of my life

ahhha!but no use to cry over split milk now.

pray for the best now.

but......

life!..........

ok ok,let me not start "showering" my "philosophy" again.

i noticed now almost all people are soo found of ....

sharing their "golden wise philosophy" with other

no matter how much other are yawing

:)

now dats the reason for coming here

and writing all...

i mean i start writing with a heavy heart

but til reaching the end,,......

oye! sab burden yek dam ghaib 

:)

queer life!

Long live my sweet mother!
aameen

O Allah swt ! u are the remover of all pains...

umer guzri hay bigadnay himay ya RAB!

ab savernay ko gee chahta hay.....
..

.

.*~ .*~

aye dost meray wastay ab bus ye dua ker,

kaifi ko ilahi gham-e mahboob ata ker...

(amin)

ik bar hay dil khol kay ronay ki tamanna

sir roza-e aqdas pay nidamet say jhuka ker....

.*~.*~

*`*~

ah!dunya dil samjhti hay jissay wo dil nahi

pehlo-e insan may ik angara-e khamosh hay....

........

....

HOPE! i must keep it alive,

Trust! i m keep on Allah swt

and sure everything wil be fine...

inshaAllah taala

life is like this, full of worries

one have to pass it happily or it wil never b passed...

*.~ *.~

mazmoon jo socha tha na janay kahan gum hay ,

ankhon may bhi ashkon ka ab namo-nishan gum hay,

alam hay takhayul ka or lafzay biyan gum hay,

seenay may talatum hay,

dil sharam say sed-para,

bus dil may sulagta hay reh reh k ik angara

darbar may hazir hay ik banda-e awwarah

..

ya RAB meri hasti per kuch khas karam ferma,

bakhshay hway bandoon main,

mujh ko bhi raqqam ferma,

kerday meray mazi kay her saans ka kaffarah,

derbar may hazir hay ik banda-e awwarah,

....

ummed ka markaz ye, rahmet ka nager hay...

is der ka bhikari hay jo,

wo qismet ka sikander hay...

....

nothing else.
........
..

nothing....

hamaray dil ki basti mustaqil abaad rehti hay,

thumhara gum panapta hay ,tumhari yaad rehti hay....

~`*

i just wish soo much to fly to saudia and never return back ,never ever...

i just wish to scatter in the sky of makkah and madina

...
i mean...

.................
just leave it.....

.
i wanted to say him ....

mail me.......
but......

i have made so many requests already to him.......

so ............

nothing....
.

..............



...

ahhh...so tough....

u know....

wel ,nothing.....

i m going to yahoo mail!
im going,,.....

im going.....

i just miss him so much ...
:(

okay! im not going...

but u promise with me that he wil be mine with all the khair
one day,,....
pelase promise with me....

no!i like this all in real,
i like it when tears fell off after missing him
so dont take away his memories from me please....

im soo happy in this
im sad but im happy
i wil try my best not to disobey Allah swt...

i dont know for how long i wil keep the control on myself....

......
.
.
.just see......

dont want any one to read this...

what to write ............

umm kuch nahi maloom...
......
.................
likhnay bhaito to kuch yaad nahi ata,
or waisay .....
sochon ka aik samander her waqat ghairay rekhta hay....

...
zindagi ajan si hay...
laikin zindagi anjan kaisay ho sakti hay ...??

nahi hosakti ....

ummmmm

.....
what?.....
nothing i suppose......
just think if.......................

wel whatever happened was not good,
but not good to cry over split milk.

just wonder if prayers got accepted.....

so much longings soo much....

i dont think if i ever wish for some thing like this before...

but c! life! it take us on the path v even never thought about....

but.....

this all fine ,
i must not show my weakness to any one,
everything wil be fine......

how i asked my younger sisters to pray for my secret hope,...
just like a real beggar who is after people,
full of pitiable look ,
looking at every one with eyes full of hope....
requesting and pleading....
for very small things....

same is like me,
asking every one ,each child,
with low tune, in a secret way....
prey for me please that whatever wish i have may get accepted
with the welfare of both world...
just asking every child....
with the hope that
maybe any of these innocent hands became the reason of my prayers to get accepted.

my eyes!.... lost in the wideness of sky....
i wonder how smal is my wish as compare to the
vastness of this universe , ....
Allaah swt created all this with very ease....
then ....
wil He not listen to my prayer?

my heart has just protested ,saying"why not, why not, He has the power ,full power
and sure He wil listen to ur prayers,inshaAllah"

okay ,so the heart is not ready to give up

ok....
let me hope then...
for sure Allaah swt is sure the most powerfull one,

but...........
:( u dont cry ,please....

no! no tears...

good! wipe them off,
c yourself in mirror


u looking pretty ,my heart :)

keep smiling lady!
only cry in prayers,tears are only for prayers
only for Lord to c
not for the human to c....

no! dont be discourage.....
everything wil be fine dear heart...
u dont be sad......

there is nothing wrong in trusting Allaah swt,
trusting him only contains goodness
and nothing loss...

keep ur hope alive,,,,
u wil meet him inshaAllah with all the blessings,,
inshaAllah
just keep ur hope alive...
and dont be sad....
AND

avoid un-islamic deeds, this wil just lessen the
chances of ur prayers to b accepted...
chating him notfor smal time is better than
 the chating for never....
missing him for small period of time is
better than missing him forever...
having him forever is better than having him for short in chat/mail...

so b patient....dear heart!
soon u wil have him forever and ever inshAllah
with the joy of ur family and his family
and foremost with the raza of Allah swt
inshAllah taala...
just dont loose hope keep hoping....

even if not in this world then
must be in the lofty paradise
inshaAllah
all u need is to collect so much for urself and him
in this world that u both can live happily in the hereafter

yes!u can have a deal with ur Lord ,
like HE described in his book...
sell ur life to him and he wil give u jannah and his everlasting willingness,
and to those sure u love utmost....

BUT...
:(
Allah swt bhi to meri zindagi nahi kharidtay
q k may bhot buri hoon...
jub chamman may qurbani kay liye itnay achay achay phool hoon to
rotten pholoon ko koon qabool karay ga...
not everyone's life is so worthy to be purchase by Lord...
He only chooses good,pure, and pious and innocent souls....
so far is me....

so far...

so far......

but.....

atleast im his ibaad, havent i ?
sure u r but a sinner one....
but i try my best to be good...

despite of my al the sins im not ready to withdraw myself from the hope of his mercy...

i wil hope i wil hope
and i wil hope
and wil keep hoping for his mercy....
which is enldess ,
more vast than  a sky or ocean....
that he wil forgive me...
inshaAllah

and i wil keep hoping for this til the very end
even if it make confirm to me that i wil be thrown into the hell
(alayazubillah)
i wil stil keep hoping for his mercy....
for one good deed i might be have to brought forward to my
All knowing Allah swt that
i always take his beloved's umma happiness upone my own,
i did cry for his beloved's umma pain ...
i did burn in the fire of revenge...
i creid for his beloved's umma and felt so much pain
even though i was in the midest of joy....

hope He wil take me in His mercy
hope HE wil cover me in his mercy on doomsday
inshaAllah
and i wil have the comapny of the beloved Prophet s.a.v.
when there wil be no shelter except the throne of the Almighty Allah....

i hope and i just hope..........
im a useless person
but

im not ready to give up
i wil keep hoping...
cal me mad or else

im not ready to withdraw...
i wil hope and wil keep hoping forever and ever
inshaAllah

a painful heart!....

is so dear to Allah swt...
for He sure loves his ibaads more than a mother loves her child....

all i need is to be more dutiful to my Allah swt
so He can smile on me on the doomsday
and i can listen from him,
"o u ! my creation, i have forgiven u "

then..............
i wil scatter in the air ,
i wil not wish for jannah anymore
for i would have i wished for....
my Allah swt's raza.....


its okay.......
life is mortal ...
v r mortal...
no one suppose to live forver....
i wil meet him ,
i wil meet him
i wil met him
i wil  meet him
inshaAllah taala...

my Lord wil arrange the way of our meeting,
He wil clear the path himself of my meeting with his that ibaad
with all the blessings
inshaAllah inshaAllah
i just hope and wil keep hoping...

dont b sad! stop shedding ur tears stupid....
no one gonna leave u ...
and even if all leave u
till u wil have the most powerful one.....
just obey ur parents,,..for in parents willingness is Allah swt's willingness...

but.....
ok ok
keep hoping that ur parent swil happily get agree on this oneday
inshaAllah taala
just keep hoping this
okay!!!
happy now?
Allah swt has the power of changing the people's heart...
keep hoping that oneday ur parents wil agree on this and all ur siblings too

and
u wil have him with all the blesings

ok!....
i cant do anything else other than
keep encouraging myself,
keep telling it that u wil get what u want
(though , in real , in some corner of  my heart,
there remains some hypocrasy but i keep it secret
for i dont want my heart to loose hope and joy)

let me keep hoping.........
let me........
i know i cant hold any one with me....
but stil let me keep hoping..........


**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~**********

i dont want my hope to die.....

"HOPE".....

this what not letting me to b disappointed....

"TRUST in ALLAH swt"

this what keep the happy hope fresh and breezy....

i dont know what wil be the end of all this

but let me "hope" and let me "trust" on ALLAH swt
as long as the word of the hope remain in the world,

and as long as Allah Almighty's mercy remains there
(which is indeed forever and ever and never to be ended up)

let me keep trusting my Lord for he is the best who answer the plead of weak and beggars.

hasbunllahu wa naie'mal wakeel
nai'emal maula wa nai'men naseer

........