missing...

i miss him so much so much that i cant tel ..

just  miss him

:(




....
.
.

GOT IT...

HEY ! GOT HIS T EXT ,SO HAPPY ^_^

nothing....

the heart so bad condition,

i mean some situations are so hard to bear & unserstand.

.........
i kept waiting anioxusly all night long just for a text, but it didnt come,

certainly no guilty can be put on him for he is innocent, acting like a good muslims mashaAllah & look at me ...bah! acting like evil satan....

wel leave it now,,........... i have stopped thinking

just lonnggg longg silence is there, u can say emptyness....

im 24th , means 24 years passed by and im away from my Lord, from my eternal home, wish to return back now, its  too late now..

bye.... wish to end the painting as soon as possible.

we left our grief to God...

u know what!

if i were a thief, & thefting were halal in islam

i would then broke into his home
& would have stolen all of  his cigarettes ,

each & every single cigarette ,placed on ,in ,under or behind anything.

but what i would do with those cigarets.....
ummm
wel i would throw them away in garbage or drain them away,

ah! i just wish sooo much that he may quit smoking, aameeeeeeeeeen
i become so much sad thinking about the harm the cigrete caused to his health

if v can do it,then i would fix my lungs in his body ,so it would be my lungs geting destroyed & not his,then when they expire i would give him back his own original healthy lungs...

hey stop! would i die then because of suffocation ,
but whos gonna miss him if i die....
Lol!
:)

ok dont tel me , for i  know i have talked til now quite stupidly or lunaticly .
oh !lunaticly !is this new term !, umm let me use like a lunatic

ok ok now stop it stop it,
u have talked quite stupidly, no more foolishness,
grow up lady! live in the real world ,not the fantasy /magical world.

but!.....

i miss him ...

i feel sometimes very bad for myself,
it just seems o me like its only me teasing his ways,
and bothering him.

do i bother everyone.....
i dont know ,but its not my fault,
for the only thing i can do for other is just to die
but suicide is haram ,right!

cant we ever meet....
but i read that if someone wishes for something so much then he get it  must.
.....
what if i were never been into this world...

do i act cheaply like 1000 of girls?...
am i not a good girl any more?...
what if i had to marry some one else?...
why that happened with us we never wish for?...
life! is it easy to survive or death!is it easy to die?
i said no for both,
not easy to live nor easy to die...

only pious people have the right to survive
& only they can live happily & contented in both world.

otherwise the people like me keep wandering in the barren land of heart.
ramzan about to come, havent prepared anything..
all siblings so good...none is a sinner like me...
my sisters so good, i wish & pray so much for my younger sisters to never fell in love with any man aameen sum aameen, it just destroys life badly , make u unable to keep moving forward with enthusiasm.

bus pata nahi kiyon....laikin najany q dil udas hojata hay aik dam,
youn jaisay hawa diyye ko bhuja daiti hay...

dil hi to hay na sango khisht,
dard say bher na aye kiyon.....

i never wish to forget him nor want him to forget me,

but i dont like either the kind of love prevailing in the society
i dont wish to be a part of it.
 i wish to keep the love very pure
pure from any vulgarity or disobedience of Allah swt,very sacred.
but dont know how,for i loving a na-mehram itself a sin.
but i stil wish to find some way for a sin-free love with him.
but how? i dont know
maybe the same way we are acting now, i mean that
very less mails among us but v both remember each other( maybe hes not)

but sometimes i do think that likings for him make me close to Allah swt,
ah! i so much wish that he might b my mehram , i would please my Allah swt soooo much by pleasing him ,by giving him all the happiness i could give, by being a veryyyyyyy good , faithful,loving & veryyyyyyyyyy caring w... oopss going soo far. but cant i be any of his thing,
i wish to be his cigarette :(
opps am i getting back on the track of stupidity ...

hey!! y its so hard to keep being serious......

oh, i just remember my old bad time when i realy got serious for all time & was so much thinking about suicide but thanks to Allah swt that he supported me & (i managed to contact him again . ^_^ ) stopped me from a totally haram death.may Allah swt save in future too , aameen & all the muslims too from this aameen sum aameen.

there is no doubt in it that the reason which became the cause of my return to life was he,
i just thank him deep down inside for being with me all the time when i was so much suffering from bipolarity
,its just he whose encouraging & trusting words brought me back to life ,& sure all thanks to Allah swt.

may Allah swt reward him in the best of way , & make his life full of blessings & happiness & cheers , & not a single grief  ever touch him in both world, & he enjoy the best of life+hereafter ,got marry with a veryyyyyyyyyyy good muslimah who filled his life with all the ecstasy .
aameen sum aameen
birahmatika ya arrhamurrahimeen

& yes ,he may have lots & lots of cute ,beautiful ,obedient pious ,genius , brave, God-fearing offspring, aameeeen. ( hope he is not reading this ^_^ )

wish him best of luck,
....just wish .............

jinsay mil na paya may is jahan may,
roh ben ker milon ga unsay asman pay,
k piyar is dherti pay farishton say ho nahi sakta...

  *~ *~       *~             *~

Time passes by stealing us away, with no memory and no remembrance
The concerns of life occupy us, take us and drive us away
Suddenly the past comes back
Cutting the thread of my thoughts
reminding me of our talks, our gatherings and our nights
I place my cheek on my left hand
Raising my hands to The Creator (praying)
How I wish the time that drove us apart will gather us and bring us closer
I don't know if you're aware
Or you're not aware
I wish the time that maddened us will please us
You shall call on me
and I shall call on you
I'll ask why did you leave
and you'll ask why did I not come
We shall meet with our loved ones
Spending the night in joy
We will draw the portrait of the past on the slipping star of the sky
Framing it with our wishes
And sealing it with our names
The wing of love is directing the ship
And hope is the mast
A memory is the Ship-master
And the twists of destiny is the Shore
We left our grief to God
And our tears are no longer running
And the time that made us weep
Is no longer making us weep

.....

            *~       *~          *~

if i were....

oh no! he didnt send any mail

im soooo

sooooo

oh yes angry

:)

wel ,let me keep waitig

i wonder if he read all this or not,

sometimes i do wish alot he may,but sometimes i wish may not

"something lies beyond the golden sun

something shines very bright there

looking up in the starry night

i wonder...

if he looking at stars too.........

..............

....

i understand now,
how relations begins like a tiny seed of grain
very slowly & unnoticeable
& then grows up in to the tallest tree

.....

i wonder how my life would be if all this didn't happen,
maybe so much full of happiness

i just wonder if i ever be able o like some on e again
with same enthusiasm again,
in realty, i don't wish to like any one else again with same
enthusiasm,
first love is sure i think the strongest & unforgettable feeling on earth

i just wish sometimes...
if none of this feeling ever exist on earth,
how beautiful the world would be then....
careless,free ,full of cheers with no tension of beloved displeasure, no captivity ,just freedom from any emotional bondage,
ah!but too late now for all this

once the heart got trapped none can free it ,
and i think the person himself dont wish to b freed ,

last night i was thinking about how all this started,
i remembered that i started liking him since the very beginning,
while i was massaging my mom's head last night, my mind was fully possessed by a stream of thoughts,

there were time when i had silent likings for him,
each day i anxiously waited for the chat time,
all day long i kept thinking of what to chat him about,

and there came time too when he understood my immense love for him,
then family get involved
& then .........
that happend which i dont wanna think again,
for its full of meloncholic

all these thoughts put me in tears
& like always ,all the thoughts ended up on praying for his well-being for ever & ever
when i sighed & make it confirm ,"WE CANT MEET"

but am i not sillyy!!
i mean that im not ready to giveup, or to loose hope
even after loosing hope i wish for him
sooo much with all the blessings

i sometimes think,maybe some miracle happend & v meet
but let me not be so hopefull
for miracles happens less in this world

let me keep liking him , very secretly to all, for ever
let me hope that v wil meet in eternity

let me bear his missing in this mortal world with the hoe of for ever meeting in the eternal world,

let me be a good servent of Allah swt
so HE may fullfilled my wish & make us to meet in eternity,

i just wish to die very soon on iman,
i wish to wait for him in the high heavens of paradise,

wish for him a very long,happy healthy life with full of blessings & best of iman
& a shinny hereafter,
wish same for his family too,
wish may the families of both of us met each other too in paradise,
aameen sum aameen


i wil complain there with my mother for not letting us meet in the world,

 hahaha  ,
(but who knows if v meet with blessings in the world!if Allah swt wills)

im i not stupid, i started laughing even if im tense,

wel ,this is called life :)
u have to live it or it wil never pass in other way,
u have to show others that u happy even if u r not,
u must keep smiling even if u want to cry aloud ,
for
there is no use of showing ur pain to other
for...
nobody understand it
and even if some one understands it
then still no use
for no one can help u any way nor can take aways ur grieve
it wil remain in it place as it is,
tel pains only to Allah swt for only he can understand & only he can remove the pain ,
for He is the most powerful & the only one Creator of the wholeeeeee universe...


wow!  i mean subhannallah how lovely he make the sky ,
just amazing, just look at all thise glitter he shattered in the earth's canopy .
just to make his ibaads happy,


how much HE love us
& look at me :( i dont love him the same way & disobey Him whenever i get a chance
but see His mercy! He dont seieze me right at the moment,
keep giving me chances to repent,
but look at me the sinner :(
im not happy with my sins life

i wish to b a nice & very obedient salve of Allah swt
not the transgress one.


"with only him i greed to forgive my sins on dooms day"


hey! i so much wish soooooooo much that
he may quit smoking
aameeeeeeen sum aameeeeen
birahmatika ya arrhaurrahimeen


if it were me smoking 7 he requested the same way i did to quit smoking then i think i would have quit it til now :)


okay getting late


have to prepare breakfast for mother,she got fever
may Allah swtr give her long healthy happy life
aameen sum aameen


Allah hafiz (umm kisko Allah hafiz,,...wel to  myself , yaqeenan :) )

subha hoti hay raat hoti hay
zindagi unhi tamam hoti hay.......


oo00oOOh.......


                      THe ENd          :)

his so nice trusting words calms the storm inside....

"take care always, inshaAllah everything will be fine



Allah knows whats best for us. and what Allah chooses for us is ultimately beneficial than what we believe is good



so, have trust and faith in Allah , because we can not see the future and what benefits are behind what is happening at the moment which we think is not right



always take care of yourself and keep trusting Allah



Allah Hafiz"


 few encouraging words from him , i can just only thank him , & there is one thing i can never doubt about & its his sincerity, which is too queer to find in the world of today,


wish him best of luck

just wish that may all the glitters & happiness of life & all the blessings of Allah swt gathered in his way.
 aameen sum aameen

just miss him............

HE HAS GONE..........

i read one of his old mail , & i feel very sad very very sad, i just think back ,how much he care for me but.....no more ,,,,,no more he .... hes gone ....gone.......

just hold up ur tears...no one gonna c them...

 kuch bhi theek nahi hwa, kash ! he never came in live , im destorying my that health which i always dream to spend in Allah swt's path. but .....all gone, he gone too ,just left missing, i needed him & longed for him so much that i cant tel it seemed to me like he is created for me ,but uh! just a wrong assumption of mine, i couldnt bear his displeaseness so i almost did all what ever he said ,i pleased him displeasing my Lord, and see! only God left for me now, He is there for me despite of my all disobedience i have fell on his door,

"makhlooq say umeed kay sub tor lie rishtay".....

ummm wat???

andhi jub chalay to bacha kuch bhi nahi kerta..
bus kuch bhi nahirehta kuch bhi nahi rehta ....... kuch bhi.............

nahi rehta


siref

yadain reh jati hain

...
..
.

"i wish some one had plucked very far ago
the flower of my youth...."

i have left with nothing.................

.nothing

........

nothing to say any more

just a long road to travel down...................

i have nothing to say.............

"dua jo dil say niklay aser rakhti hay

per nahi taqet-e pervaz mager rakhti hay...."

meri dua may yaqeenan koi kami hogi werna Allah swt to bohot achay hain
or jo mango dil say wo lazmi daitay hain

must be some lackage in

aahmmm

...


may nay mana k taqdeer ka likha hay attel,
per mera iman hay k duaon may aser  hota hay.......

aap s.a.v.s nay dua ki bohot ahmeiyet biyan fermayi hay
or bayshek chand sitaray ,or raat din ka badalna to jhoota hosakta hay

mager meray Allah or uskay rasool s.a.v ki koi baat galet nahi hosekti

bus insan ka apna iman of khuda ki zaat per bharoosa hota hay jo aser kerta hay

....

...


miss him
...

nothinggg....:(

no ,none of his mail today

...
.....
.....
......




sometimes
i become so much hopeful of my prayer meeting with him with all the khair
i felt very happy & relaxed

but

just then

his words comes in my mind
"u r too hopeful .wil b heart broken later.
i dont want to be heart broken at end"

but

prayers accepted so much

..

arent they,

youngest brother being so lucky
all of his wishes comes true masaAllah mashaAllah

may they both live happily ever after the engagement
i mean upto marriage & after marriage & through out their lives
with best of iman health & wealth
aameen sum aameen

wish so much that may muaz too soon found
a very pious & good muslimah for him like he
always wished for,
aameen sum aameen .

hey!!!! :)

he sent me his convocations pics & he was sure looking soooo good mashaAllah

but i think he wil look more good in beard,

wish best of luck for him

he wil always be in my dua inshAllah

never to b forgotten..
.......

miss him sooo much

yes i must not tel my sorrow to any one

not even to him

i must keep smiling & keep telling everyone that

im soo
happy

:)